I just don't get it

Working in another country is hard work especially if you include the adjustments needed for a new environment such as the language . It’s not just proficiency in the English language and its grammatical structure,  it’s also about the accent.

Migrant workers are also expected not only to understand but also to acquire the  accent and all the non-verbal messages and get rid of their native accent. So for me it all started with the language- I thought I had a mastery of the English language considering that I was a journalist for English magazines and TV programs for 10 years as my first job after the university and then pursued masteral and doctoral studies and became an associate professor at a top university teaching  literature, media and culture, travelled to universities in Hongkong, Malaysia, UK and US reading my research papers. I was confident. But during my first few months as a migrant in a foreign land,  my self confidence was shattered - I don’t understand a word they’re saying. But that was just the beginning.  Later on there were more, more things that I did not understand, the culture, beliefs, practices, prejudice, racism and many more. 

As a whole,  it’s the feeling of loss of the old way of life which are sometimes compounded by frustration and disappointment of my present situation. But what makes it more confusing is the fact that at the same time we also feel very grateful, very privileged that we have jobs that pay much more than what we used to earn; that we can help and send money to our relatives and family back home who need  it; that we could use our cell phones in the streets without fear of being snatched or stabbed; that our kids can have the best education without having to sell our lands and homes for it and the thank you list goes on and on.

These concoction of feelings and experiences – gratefulness, disappointments, numb, aloof, hostile, angry, moody,  helpless, listless, always tired,  inability to concentrate, hopeless and sadness; these and more are what I feel and I just don't get it???